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Internship

This summer internship was a great idea. I'm gaining invaluble experience that I would never gain had I not had the pleasure of meeting Avondale-san. He has access to the most ...interesting... specimens. The cadavers we receive to inspect are of a quality and usually have a rare anomaly within them. Every day I learn new things that I would never have found out working at a normal hospital.

Its... nice, I guess, to be around a mentor so trusting and reassuring. My opinion is readily valued as I give it and my knowledge and intelligence are as well. Its something I've never really felt before. Usually people are annoyed that I ask too many questions and am curious about things I do not understand. I know his work is far from traditional, to say the least, but studying under such sheer genious is an experience unlike anything I have had.

Working next to Daria-kun is rather challenging. I've found the urge to ...socialize quite often, but we get through our work day just fine.

It will be disheartening to return to school in the fall, knowing I must drop this internship.

[GS]

This curse that has fallen on a great deal of us is completely inconvenient. I've had to take sick days from school for the first time since I can remember. I've even had to seal off my energy so that no one will come looking for me. Its becoming incredibly annoying to have to live as a woman. I'm not an emotional person, and lately all I can think about are my emotions.

If I had to look at it from a scientific point, both biological and psychological, I would conclude that this could be an invaluble learning experience. However, it is much too hard to think of it that way when I can't seem to think straight like I normally would. I can't even really leave my house. That stupid relic has caused much too much trouble. It should be destroyed.

I hope someone will find an answer to curing this curse soon, because I cannot live like this much longer. I have a life without constant worries and unneeded emotions to get back to.

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Mar. 25th, 2009

I'm used to having to slip out of school or other events for hollow attacks. I do what I have to. Yesterday was the first time I felt any bit of guilt for having to postpone a conversation to stop a monster. Daria-kun came over and in the middle of an important conversation, I sensed a hollow. There was no choice, of course. I had to go. She is just a really... special girl. She's different and I enjoy being able to speak to someone my own age with intelligence. I hope that my dedications never come between us.

I don't believe I've really explained what it is I do, and what a hollow is. In the most basic sense, a hollow is a human spirit turned into a monster that eats souls. As a Quincy, I kill them with arrows made of my spirit energy. I kill monsters, in the simplest words. I see spirits. I can sense others with spiritual pressure. I am not special because of this. It is a blessing and a burden, no matter how much pride I feel for my clan.

Until yesterday, I never once felt like I wanted to be just another teenager, with no responsibilities. There's someone occupying my thoughts. Maybe I am just like everyone else after all.

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Feb. 12th, 2009

Once again there is a short break in school. I hate these breaks. They mess up my pattern of doing homework and training.  Maybe I am boring, but I like my routine. I go to school, I train, I do my homework, I sew, and I go to bed. And there's Valentine's Day, too. I could really care less. All the candy and pink cards are unnecessary.

For the next week I will most likely be doing nothing but sewing and training, unless someone gets kidnapped or there's some other issue of the world in danger again. I've already finished my research paper. I do need to buy Takeda more food...

I guess I should ask if anyone wants to do something.
Things have changed considerably recently. Not quite as much as it would seem to those I see ever day, the students at school and such. Perhaps I shouldn't have gotten used to what I'd been offered. Just at the moment that it seemed I was beginning to grow used to feeling like I was just a regular kid in high school, with friends and interests and a social life, just when I was about to relax and grow comfortable with these new attributes to my identity, everything has been uprooted.

Triana-kun and I are going our separate ways. There was never an intimate relationship, but it could never be. She seemed to feel left out by the fact that both I and her father had powers beyond natural human capabilities. I began to dread more and more when the moment would inevitably come that I would have to leave her to fight a hollow, or run off to war again. She shouldn't have to be involved in that. It was never too serious, anyway. Just fun... <s>Just a little fun, for the first time ever.</s>

Ryuuken knew I had changed apartments but he found out  that I was living with Amarao-san. Needless to say, I am no longer living there. I do not abide by his wishes or rules ever, only in very few situations in which I have no choice, one of them being my housing. I am happy enough to not live with Ryuuken, but I enjoyed the feeling of a home. I haven't really felt that since my grandfather was alive and I would disobediently go to his house often. I don't want to feel like I left because Ryuuken pays for my living expenses... It was the things he said. He made the situation seem perverse, a student living with an older man. It was already bad enough that I sewed and didn't have proper female relationships, he said.

For now, I'm back in my old apartment in Karakura. Everything is as it was. I feel as though I shouldn't complain for the different life I was given a taste of.

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Writer's Block: Use Your Power

Our holiday gift to you: the question submitted most often to Writer's Block—if you could have a superpower, what would it be and how would you use it?
Often times, the people I know who have no power beyond the natural human ability speak of how much they wished for a "super power" or to be able to do one thing or another that they'll never achieve. I don't pretend to understand it.

Having some form of power is a constant burden. It draws attackers, putting yourself and those close to you in danger. One must constantly wonder if they are strong enough, skilled enough, or just lucky enough to defeat their opponent. Because of this, one is constantly forced to hone their skill and and strive to become as powerful as they can. Then a plateau is reached. You cannot obtain any more power through your own physical means. Perhaps this is where some men turn rogue or evil, and use unfit, cowardly, or reckless methods to obtain what they believe is ultimate power.

But for those I know with spiritual power, the shinigami, the few of us in Karakura with powers of our own, like Orihime-kun and I, these burdens mean nothing. We have power for a reason. We protect because we have to, but mostly, because we want to. Even we are pulled into unseen wars. We are like soldiers, with no choice but to fight, protect, and serve, but if I were to be reincarnated at the end of this life and had the opportunity to live the same life over again as a normal, powerless human, I would decline. I could never turn my back knowing what I know and seeing what I've seen. I want to be strong and protect everyone. I don't want to be the hero, I just want to do what is needed.

I have trained until reaching my own physical limits, until nearing death. My body is riddled with scars, both from battle and my own training and practice. Even I can admit that there have been times where my skill as a Quincy was not enough, and I was only lucky to survive. But I have never regretted a single moment. I hope that when I die, I die fighting as a Quincy to protect what is right and life for everyone. I feel tremendous pride for my heritage and the skills I have learned.

I spent Christmas morning at my Sensei's grave. The rest of the day was spent training. For me, that is what should be done and what is most important on a day allegedly dedicated to family and being joyful. Nothing brings me more joy than being a Quincy, being the strongest, and being the last in line.

Nov. 25th, 2008

I've been so busy with school that I've hardly found time to write in here. I suppose I should make it more of a habit now that I've committed to this thing. Christmas is right around the corner, and I'm not sure if I feel better or worse knowing that there are a lot of people out there who dread any family time. I would be content to spend it by myself... Now I have a fish though, so I suppose I have something to take care of and give attention to. He doesn't seem to need or want much attention though. I've named him Takeda; the woman who sold him to Amarao-san and I insisted I should name him. It was an interesting trip. I need to learn to drive my scooter. It just seems so dangerous, though.

Orihime-kun showed up very late last night and asked me to accompany her to one of the shops. I found out a long the way that we were on a mission to procure cocktail sauce for the brownies she was making. I had to graciously excuse myself from testing the end result. It was very late at night, of course.

This weekend I'll be going to New York to visit Triana-kun. I'm very interested in getting a tour of an American college, as well as seeing a bit of the culture there. I know we will have a good time. Honestly, it's... nice to have things like this to look forward to.
That was certainly an interesting party, though not something I'd be keen on taking part in again. I don't believe spell-bound hotels that have the potential to make me act as someone other than myself are a good idea. I did, however, enjoy making the costumes for Amarao-san and myself. It was a relief to get rid of that bolt of pink fabric.

Next week, Triana-kun will be coming over to fit the dress I've made for her. It's been good to have a large project to immerse myself in now that I've moved. It's something to keep things a bit more monotonous. My life is exciting enough trying not to wake anyone when I run out of the apartment in the middle of the night. I think the neighbors believe I'm in a secret relationship. They tend to whisper a lot whenever I come outside.

I'll be seventeen soon. This time next year, I'll be in med school, living in some dormitory, and nothing else will have changed.


[[lock to Rummy]]

Rummy-san, I'm afraid you left before I was able to apologize. It seems you were still under the effects of the house during our confrontation, and I don't like to see a woman being made uncomfortable. I realize it wouldn't have been your intention to act that way on a normal basis. Regardless, I would like to apologize for shoving you.

[[/lock]]
With prompting from Luke-san, I have decided that perhaps I should go out more and be social. It isn't that I am anti-social I just... have a busy life and when I'm not training or in school, I'm sewing. Maybe I am anti-social, though. I'm in high school and I live alone and never go out anywhere. I won't deny that this Halloween party is simply attracting my attention because it is an opportunity to make a perfect costume.

The night clerk at my 24-hour fabric store knows me by my first name. Sometimes I wonder if I should be out with other people my age at midnight, or if picking out new threads is enough excitement for me. With the stress of shinigami and quincy affairs, its a wonder I have time to even do homework, nevermind stay at the top of my class.

By the way, Triana-san, I've come across a large bolt of black netting. Considering our discussion earlier of the gothic lolita fashion, I was wondering if you would like to see it? Perhaps I can make something for you.
I decided to finally pick up an online journal in hopes of branching out. People tell me I'm antisocial, though I hardly find that to be true. I partake in the Handicrafts club at school, and I'm at the top of my class rank. I don't need to be partying or anything such as that; I have my own agendas. I would rather spend a quiet night in my apartment sewing.

I've hear Captain Kyoraku frequents these parts as well, though I hold nothing against him. I've come to learn that not all the soul reapers are my true enemies, just most of them. But perhaps I should be spending more time studying like a normal person instead of fighting monsters. I don't know how I will have time for all of this once I'm in medical school. Ryuuken will be quite pleased to see me stumble from perfection.

It seems that I've met a few interesting persons already, especially that man from... Interstellar Immigration was it? He seems to be very inquisitive. I'm looking forward to meeting more people, I assume I should say.